A Sliver of Light

11:00AM

Life has been really messed up recently... so much drama. With my horribly emotionally abusive boyfriend, to Tasha's disreguarding of my generousity and forgiveness. Spanish... oh yea. Spanish. Ha. I should be there now, but lucky me, I dropped the class. I was retaking 5-6 but it was harder actually than 7-8 (the class I switched out of) and I was only taking it to get a better backround in the language cause I had such a bad teacher last year. But since I was getting a 'C' in IB (I never get C's!!-- so below me) I was basically flunking 5-6 so to save myself the stress I talked to my WONERFUL school counsiler and was able to drop the class and I plan to take French next year since I have to for ISC. I got a good grade last year, but it was just because my teacher liked me, I did HORIBBLY on my oral and I went in to talk to her and within 2 minutes she changed my grade to a 85%! Now I have 2 free periods, I do have to take a full course load next year and I plan to take some of my classes at PSU cause Im sick of high school. The people. The Pettyness. Every fricken thing. Plus I can get my college math requirement out of the way since I dont have to take math at Lincoln next year. That would be one less class I have to take in college so Im that much closer and have more time to foucus on my journalism degree.

Boys. jake was nice at first but then it began to ride on me. His OBSESSION with cliches. His never really listening. His constanting patronizing and condecending remarks. Then when I wound up in the hospital (read my myspace "emergency rooms suck" blog for the story-- its long) he didnt call me. He didnt do anything. not even a fricken email. I came back to school finally on thursday after fianlly getting a blog respsonse "sorry" on wednesday. he poked me. "hey you" thats not so bad but he didnt ask me how I was feeling and he told me he brought cookies on mon and tuesday. i asked him if he saved me any. he said no. it wasnt the cookies (i really dont like oatmeal raisin) but why did he tell me? he made me feel bad for being ill!!! That was the end. After thinking for a week I dumped him he said he saw it coming and I got a blog respsonse with "f*** you" repeated multiple times. And other rude emails and blog commets. he finally blocked me. and i never responded to really anything he sent me. it was so akward. he kept blogging on how he wanted me back... after how he treated me??!? HA! Now he switched schools! Go figure. I feel sorry for why (its a personal family matter) but still I got lucky with that one... he really hurt me. and I cant post why, its personal and this is the internet. but I hated how he was so "emotionally ignorant."

Current mood: tired

Current music: Crazy~ Aerosmith

10:58AM - Wow... I havent been on in a while.....

Here is a funny forwarded email from my sister:

Like you, I hate it when people forward bogus warnings. But, this one

is important. Please forward to those you care about.

If someone comes to your front door saying they are conducting a
survey on deer ticks and asks you to take your clothes off and dance
around with your arms up, DO NOT DO IT!! IT IS A SCAM. They only
want to see you naked.


I wish I'd gotten this yesterday. I feel so stupid now.

*****

9:40PM

I want to go finish that bag Im crocheting... its pretty. Its British Racing Green and Black. And I should probably get my laundry out of the dryer and finish folding the towels on my bed, so I can sleep on it. Tomorrow I go and see "The Producers" and Sunday is my Polyglot meeting. YAY Polyglot! Today I just submitted a whole bunch of photos Ive taken a poem, and a short piece, and since Im on staff my chance of getting published doubles! Coolness.

Current mood: tired

Current music: Sugar We're Going Down~ Fall Out Boy

3:02PM

So over the past few days Ive been deep in thought. I dont want to spend spring break with my dad. Sure I love the city of SF but I hate my dad more than I love it. He has hurt me so deeply so many times over the past 17 years. Leaving me constantly, ignoring me, insulting me, insulting my family, cutting through me with a knife without thought. All the physical and emotional abuse is too much. I cant take it anymore! I just cant! Ive tried telling my mom and she says she understands but she needs this time with Don. She needs this time!??! I need to be away from my dad before I do something drastic! Ive come close to killing myself because of the pain but I cant. She doesnt understand. I hate him I hate him I hate him! Everyday I wish that he would die so I wouldnt have to deal with him and everyday I look forward to when I never have to see him, speak to him or deal with him again. I dont care if it screws with my future college plans. I rather be happy and free of him going to a college that is last on my list rather than go to my dream college (Berkeley) and have to deal with him. He never straight out says it but Im not good enough. When I tell him I finally get around to getting my permit he just goes on to his friends (with me right there) that he was worried about me EVER getting it. He makes commets on how I work too hard and speaks for me (things that arnt even true) talks about things he doesnt know about and everyday it hurts more. Everytime I have to see him I hate him more and more. Im begging my mom not to make me go, but she is basically being selfish. She tells me to suck it up and even though it hurts me I have to go, (mostly because she wants to be alone with Don) whats wrong with leaving me home alone for a few days? Apparently Ill get murdered or raped even if I dont leave the house. People will know. Shes so paranoid about me and my saftey but she doesnt keep in mind the other part of the spectrum, my emotional state that I keep inside (that is bubbling at the seams and is already leaking out and is getting ready to burst).

Current mood: depressed

2:42PM

FOr once I really having nothing to write about. So Ill jibber jabber until I hit something. I went to bed early (9:30) last night cause I was tired and I woke up tired but not fatigued. Since I got downtown so early I went to Starbucks (I usually only do that on block days) adn enjoyed a raspberry mocha. Then I went to math, getting irritated because my teacher doesnt teach. Took notes in History. I took a test in Spanish, thankfully I knew everything (i hope) except the translation for about 4 words. I believe I have the congagations down. I did a retake on my Spain test and it boosted my dwindling grade to a 70.8%! YAY! Even though its still considered a 'D' in that class its up. Ive NEVER struggled in a class so much. ive never been below a C, Cs are rare. Im an A student if I work and study hard and I get Bs when I dont care much. Never Cs let alone Ds. Luckly I get to drop that class and go back a level so I can further my learning in the Spanish language. Cant wait till second semester. In English I wrote a poem "9 Ways to Look at Pop Tarts". It was interesting... I guess since I had a Pop Tart for lunch I was inspired. The clapping was less than enthuastuastic. I know the poem was not my normal (hell I never read my poems) but I thought it was funny. Now Im waiting so I can leave so I can trudge to my dads. i havent heard from him, I hope I dont make the trip for nothing. Luckly I have a reason not to spend the night: Polyglot meeting at 10am! Hopefully we'll go to Baan Thai (Im really craving a Pad Thai right now) and he doesnt have any plans to see his friends or anything. Then Ill go home and have a quiet evening.

I like quiet.

4:44PM

So cold... so tired... so weak... need sleep.

Ugh. First off, Mondays suck.

Second off Math Sucks.

Third: Good news, even though I didnt get home till really late because I went to FLEX so I wouldnt have to go to a special English 0 period, I dont have 4th tomorrow! Since class is moved to 0 and I cant go because I would have to wake up at 5:45 and be at the MAX station at about 6:30 and mom wouldnt let me be there so early she would have to drive me and she has a early morning meeting so it would be a lot of pressure on her. Lucky me. I get to sleep in till... 6:20 and I dont have to go to 4th!!!!!!!!! I wish I didnt have to go to 5th (even though its ceramics its still important) I would just go home after 3rd. But If I still feel this cruddy tomorrow I might just come home anyways.

Finally: I hate the MAX. I hate running for it. Luckly for me today I caught it, even though I saw it on the patio and I had to run over a full city block, with my backback, my open umbrella, in the wind AND pouring rain. I caught the sucker. Yay me and my good running skills! Thank you the elliptical!

(My mile is like 6:40, on a good day-- on a bad day its like 7:00 min)

Current mood: cold

Current music: Sugar We're Going Down~ Fall Out Boy

2:25PM

I had a fun and quite new years. I was freezing at tasha house though. her parents dont seem to like heat. whatever. anyways we watched a bunch of movies:
Monty Python: The Meaning of Life (every sperm is sacred...)
Miss Congenality
Elf
Orange County
Ace Venture: Pet Dective
and we went to bed at 1:30. We didnt have spiked drinks so it was virgin italian sodas and good girl sparkling cider, we still had a great time. I didnt think it would be a good idea to get trashed the first time i go to her house. the second? maybe. But not the first. lol.

Im still cold now, i hate running cold all the time.

One question: Am I the only American that should actually resolve to gain weight? (Especially after the holidays)

Current mood: cold

Current music: Highway to Hell~ AC/DC

9:35PM

Christmas future is far away, Christmas past is past, Christmas time is here to stay, so have yourself a merry little Christmas, let your heart be light............

How was everyone's holiday? Mine was nothing more than fun and crazy!
First on Xmas eve mom dragged me and Don to 2 services (better than the 3 last year) the first one was 1 hour and the second was 2! But it wasnt all bad considering she never makes us go so once or twice a year wont kill me to sit through a 2 hour service. We got home around 1am and none of us could sleep so anyways we got up at 9am to open presents and guzzle coffee. I got:
Santa: Lots of candy(I think santa wants me to gain weight), nail polish, a tangerine, lip gloss, "Elf" (YES!!!!!!!!!) and the Christmas Classic cartoons on DVD.
Then from my folks: A pretty black necklace, a bean bag chair, Harry Potter and the GOF video game, and an Ipod wall charger.

I also got: Ortaments, money, a purse, a farside-esk calander, lotion, and a belly ring.

Since my family did White Elephant gifts we got some weird stuff like a hampster cage, a clock, chalk, pocketknife, coffee/cocoa, cheese, salami.

Yeah. It was a lot of fun spending time with my family. The White Elfephant gift exchange was a blast (I did have my eye on those chocolate liquor shots though). We spent a long time laughing. G-ma was kinda bugging me though "your so thin, are you eating? eat something. keep eating. want some cake? you should have some. take home some food. your too skinny."

It gets old. I know I may be a bit skinny but nothing to bug me about really. I just have a super fast metabolism and I dont eat enough food to keep up with it. Whatever.

Current mood: tired

Current music: Back in Black~ AC/DC

7:21PM

Christmas is coming... YAY! Tree is decorated... presents are wrapped... cookies are baked... plans are made... outfit is picked out... Thats about it.

I went to Harry Potter (again) with Tasha the other day, it was fun but my mom had to pick her up and I think Tasha made her a bit unconfortable, I am afraid to ask though. But at least shell let me go to her house on New Years Eve where we will have fun, watch movies, party.. ect.

In other news: I hate my dad and Im glad he's is Brazil. and my hair is cut (so you peeps @ school better take note of it because it is drastic!!!!!!!-- You have been warned)

Happy Chrismahankahwanzaka!

Current mood: happy

Current music: Christmas Music

3:11PM - of course people will always hate me. why? I dont know. Because Im me, Im there.

Your Years at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry
Name
Age
House	GryffindorHufflepuffRavenclawSlytherin
Family Line	MugglebornHalf-BloodPure-Blood
Dated	Draco Malfoy
You are well known for	Always getting detentions
Percentage of student body you shagged - 79%
How do the staff and students feel about you	They HATE you
This quiz by lady_ameily - Taken 388226 Times. </a>

Take Surveys and Get Cash!

2:59PM

So Im totally failing IB Spanish. Okay, maybe not in a 'F' grade sense but a C is bad. Cs are bad. Cs mean your a loser and your only average. I cant stand with being average. I have needs to be almost perfect. Im going to talk to my teacher after school today, but if she wont let me ask my questions in English, Ill spin around on my heels and leave. Its just such a hard class. I dont get it. I should be doing great. Ive never missed a day, or an assignment. I participate and study and everything, but apparentaly thats not good enough. Id have to be practically fluent in it to scratch out a B. Screw it all. At least my other classes have A's (but math) screw the log-base3-of-6 crap. Somebody please, please, PLEASE tell me when this will be necessary? im going to be a journalist not a sciencetist. And plus my teacher sucks too. People suck. All these freaks in my ceramics class wont leave me alone. Asking me questions, weird ones too. Stupid sophmores. Ive tried ignoring them, but then they get in my bubble and wont shut to f up!

I have to go to my effing dads house today. I dont want to. But at least the basturd is leaving the country sunday and I wont have to see him till janurary. And we are going to a movie; "Jesus is Magic" with Sarah Silverman. SHould be funny, I like a good standup comic.

Current mood: irate

3:11PM

My bony ass is killing me! i know thats something most people dont want to hear about but being 92 pounds, you dont have a lot of junk in your trunk so sitting for an extended period of time or any time at all is killer! I have to go to effing PSU for the holiday party but at least I dont have to go to my dads house, I do next week but then hes leaving the country and I hope he stays down there forever in South America. I really hate that man. I dont like getting into it cause I then get all emotional, its so hard. So much abuse over the years, its killer. But Ive survived the last 16.5 years so I should be able to last another 1.5 and then Ill be legal and I dont ever have to see him again if I so choose, even go as far to divorce him. Too many years of pain, cannot be forgiven.

At least its finally the weekend and only 10 more days of school to Winter Holiday remain. YAY!!

Oh yea, and it better effing snow over the break!

Current mood: tired

2:31PM

Okay, so Im frekking tired. I got about 3 hours of sleep last night, but hell. It was totally and 100% worth it!!!

I got the the theater at 9:30 after the 3 of us went out to celebrate bday dinner at the Old Speghetti Factory and even though It was 2 hours before they were going to open the doors the line was uber long but I didnt care. Mom dropped me off at the curb so I could hold our spot and she could find a parking spot and as soon as she came in my sight, the line was moving!! Apparentaly because it was about freezing temperature out there they didnt want us dying of phenominia so they let us in and we sat around in coushy chairs for 2 hours. They had two screens showing it I was in #2. It was really crowded too. But it was so much fun! We had really good seats too.

When "The 20" came on, everyone cheered! Even though "The 20" totally sucks everyone was just really excited that we were about 30 minutes away from the start!!!!!!!

The movie totally rocked! I dont want to give details cause most of you reading this probably didnt go opening night but I was pretty happy with it compared to the hack job the other movie (year 3) was. I was dissappointed about some elements they left out but all was not lost.

...The mosh pit was interesting though...lol. Harry Potter, mosh pit. *snrk*

So tired, cant wait to go home and Im really glad I only have to spend the evening with my basturd bio-dad not the night. Im going to avoid going to his house at any cost! (sure I lose money but not whats left of my sanity)

Then I go to sleep.

I get to see Allie and hopefully Jen on Sunday to celebrate my parents bday with the greater family spectrum. I miss having Jen at college, she used to come by like every week but I havent seen her since like before school started.

Damn Salem, you stole my sister!

Current mood: tired

12:13PM

4 days, 11 hours and 45 minutes till the release of "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire"!!!!!!!! So excited!!! I cannot wait!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!

I love Harry!

3:35PM

i hear a ringing does anyone else hear that ringing? or is it just me...

3:52PM

Guess who's going to the PREMIRE of "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire"? [meaning at midnight]


YAYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So excited!!!!!!!!!!!

~Update later

must study for spanish exam

2:37PM

I dislike Spot (Matt)-- the frosh. Hes mean hurtful and very disrespectful, he just got all mad at me for some reason today and called me some hurt obsenities that I dont care to repeat, and stormed off. Big Ashley went out and asked him what was up and apparentally he doesnt like the name 'Spot' and how would I know that? When I met him everyone was calling him Spot so I figured that was his nickname or something. Hes rude to everyone else in our 'circle' too. Not many people apprechiate his presence.

Then in Ceramics some snot nosed sophmore called me 'stupid freshman' I just walked by him, didnt talk to him, didnt look at him, didnt do anything. Excuse me, Im a junior. yeah right. so i showed the little punk my id-card. and he just "snurkked"
I know Im small, but Im not a frosh. Today really sucked, besides the fact my math test was postponed till next monday.

I dont want to go to my dads this weekend. Its pouring rain and I dont want to half to walk almost a mile to PSU in this crappy weather. Ill get soaked, like yesterday I did. The bottoms of my pants wernt just wet but it looked like I went puddle jumping in knee deep (knee deep on me that is--) puddles. Soaked, and my canvas shoes are still soaking. Im going to call him either so he'll pick me up, or Ill just go home. I was going to tell him I dont feel great (which I dont) and if he would be so nice to take me home. Hopefully.

God Damn! My hands are numb!

Current mood: cold

Current music: Pretty in Punk~ Fall Out Boy

4:37PM

Yay Katie! She has an 87% in IB English, plus like an 85% in Spanish! YAY! Hopefully by the end of the semester Ill be able to keep my B in Spanish and pull off an A in English (5.0!!!!!) Also raising my shitty math grade from 79.4% to at LEAST 80% would be nice by the end of next week.

Chris (the ass of a sophmore who sits in my group) well hopefully he wont screw me up in any way on the group assignment (im writing it) he... ass. never mind. I dont want to think/talk about it.

I watched "Elf" last night. Best xmas movie EVER!! I want it from 'santa' and 'santa' said she would get it. YAY!

"First I travelled through the candy cane forest, then I went down the sea a swirlling chocolate, and then I went through the Lincoln Tunnel."

12:18PM

Halloween was okay. Lots of kids came this year, some came without costumes and just wanted candy. Mom was like "you noticed they didnt have costumes?" Yeah. duh i did. I asked her what she was getting at, she didnt know. She thought it was weird. I think the kids that did that were the same a last year. Came up in a car, in coats, no costumes and 3 buckets for the 2 of them, "for thier older brother" they said. Im skeptical, but its just candy.

I also watched "Couch Carter" it was actually pretty good. A lot better than I thought it would be. I didnt like the music but the story and acting were all very good.

Ive spent all morning loading my ipod. I also have to do my chores, make dinner then go to the gym. (yay!!)

3:40PM - I love my Ipod...

Music is a wonderful thing. Wonderful to carry around in your pocket in a convienitally tiny device... Must load up.. will be done tomorrow...

Cant wait for the trick or treaters! But not too many come maybe 10 or 20 tops. Its still fun cause they are all so cute!!

SO glad theres no school tomorrow! It gives me time to finsh my OHYS notebook (almost!) and do about 20 pages in my Spanish workbook (by friday) I hate spanish!

Happy Halloween all!

PS: My feet are killing me! Stupidly I wore stilletos (they go great with my costume) And by 4th period my feet were bleeding so I shook my Magic 8 Ball of a teacher and asked if I could go to my locker and change my shoes. But then the bottoms of my pants got soaked (about the bottom 5 inches) so they're in the dryer now and my legs are cold!)